preparing for the new year
As 2022 is coming to a close I am starting to prepare for my goals on what I want in my future. I try to not think ahead too much because then my anxiety cripples me from doing just about anything. This new year though, I'm trying something new.
Journaling.
I recently started following someone on Instagram who had the most beautiful hand writing, @memoriesbymeyers, and it inspired me to take control of my life. Prove that I have a purpose and a to-do list and that I can actually accomplish my goals, instead of "getting around to it."
So here I am, getting a head start on said goals since I'm stuck in a house in Buffalo with a winter storm.
My goals are pretty simple, and all geared to being more selfish. Wait, let me explain. I've recently just got out of a 3 year relationship that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. At least, I thought that in the beginning, as most people do. But I've learned throughout our time together just how different we are as people.
I categorize him as my COVID-19 relationship. Because that really is what it was. We got together at the end of 2019, then the pandemic hit, where everyone had to stay indoors, we loved each other. I do believe that. But once the public was able to move about, I noticed just how opposite we are.
I'll get into that story more on another blog, this one though is to set out my goals. So here is what I plan to achieve in 2023...
- a weight loss routine I can stay committed to
- to journal every day, even if nothing happened
- to finish writing my first ever book
- a reading goal of: 100 books this year
- to give myself grace
It may not seem like a lot, but for me it's going to be a new challenge. I've been able to grab my depression and put it on a leash, after years of struggling. But I still have days where I just can't do anything. That's where this blog comes into play.
Instead of an actual journal, I'll be blogging. So that way I keep myself accountable because I'm making this public for anyone to read. Even if no one does, I really want to help myself do this. I am always stopping what I am doing to help others, but I never get around to taking care of myself. So I sit here, a blob of raging anxiety, depression, and anger issues. At least I know my faults right? Each day I'll post something. it may not be much, it may be a rant so that way I can get some of my anger out of me. But as long as I'm writing something every day, that's all I care about.
So... how do I plan on keeping these. Most people when they say they have a new year resolution, that's it. There is no game plan, and sloppy execution which makes them not want to stick to it.
I feel like this is the staple of "new year, new me" but I have been all over the place with my workouts. I've noticed though that I'm more at ease when I do them, especially in the morning, because it releases my stress and anger without repercussions. So I am keeping myself accountable by joining a group with friends with the same common goal! Each day we will be talking and interacting with each other with real and raw emotions. I can honestly say, some workouts make me want to quit and then I don't continue, so knowing I'm not alone will help me stay on track and be motivated.
to journal every day, even if nothing happened
This one is more for me. To express my feelings that day without accidentally yelling at someone. I believe in Karma and I try my hardest to be respectful to everyone. But at some point, you can't be happy all the time. I'm human and a natural human emotion is anger. But with my anger, because I tamp it down so much, it stews and then I word vomit and say something in the heat of the moment. Usually something I instantly regret. So I am hoping by writing my emotions, telling my day to day life, that I can release some stress and keep it out of my mind once I write it.
- to finish writing my first ever book
I've recently gotten back into my writing, and I love it. I have so many ideas that I want to get out of my brain. So I want to finish a story and figure out how to publish it, but I want to finish it first.
- a reading goal of: 100 books this year
This one is easy. I had this goal and reached it. But because I don't want to always read, even though I wish I could, I don't want to escape reality that much. I want to have a good enough life to want to live. In order to do that, I have to take more adventures and go out of the house more, so I'm thinking it may not be so easy to get this many books in, but I'll try.
This one I actually have been working on since my relationship ended. I am reminding myself that it's okay to mess up and have faults. That this feeling of sadness is only temporary. I will be patient with myself and that is called personal growth.
I'm not sure yet how to wrap up these blogs, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. In the mean time...
This is me
signing off,
Nicole Lynn
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