I said goodbye to him for the last time

     

    It's been three years of being with someone I thought was the love of my life and when he broke up with me, it took another year just for me to accept that we would never go back to that relationship. 

    A whole year that I pretended that we were still in some weird sick fantasy that he and I were still together. That man ripped out my heart when he told me he didn't want to continue I fell into the biggest depression of my life. I did everything for that guy. I cared for him, I took care of everything around the house. When I asked for things it was pulling teeth, if I told him no he called me a bitch. 

    That was the thing towards the end. I was always called a bitch, a cunt, mean, ridiculous, over dramatic. But I think the best one was when he said I was a waste of space. That one, no matter who would have said it, but from him? The person I gave everything for, tell me that? Yeah, I questioned everything.

    I questioned who I was as a person. How I treated others. Where I went wrong in my life to be called a waste of space. I went to sleep that night crying my eyes out. I couldn't look myself in the mirror. I couldn't hear my own voice. 

    That next day, he knocked on my door like nothing happened. It was like I had whiplash. Like I imagined the whole conversation.

    He said I want to take you to breakfast and the bookstore. I told him what was the point of eating or enjoying books if I was just a waste of space? He laughed. Laughed. Then asked what I was talking about.

    He was so drunk that previous night that he wasn't aware that he was fighting me to have sex with him. He didn't remember that he pushed himself on me to the point where I was triggered from my first relationship. Worst of all, he didn't remember what he called me, what he said to me.

    I've been in an abusive relationship, I don't talk about it anymore because I have healed and moved on. But being in a mentally abusive relationship? That is definitely harder for me.  My brain is a dark, scary place that feeds off the words from others. The tiniest comment makes me spiral. 

    But I have been out of that apartment now for roughly 3 weeks. Out of the constant whiplash of emotions. In fact I think my body is detoxing from that kind of environment.

Is that a thing? I feel like I am crazy when I say that, but I think it's true.

    I couldn't enjoy my happiness, my brain started telling me that it was too good to be true, that something bad was going to happen. I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk to the guy I wanted to without feeling like I'm putting issues on him.

    Until Tuesday at bowling.

    Andy and I were bowling and he knew. He knew I wasn't myself. He checked in on me, and asked how I was doing. Right before he went to drive me home he looked at me and said he's there for me to talk about anything. I started balling my eyes out. I told him I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without seeing my flaws first. I was self sabotaging and I hated it. He told me that I'm perfect for him. That if I wanted to change he would support me, but he likes me, for me. 

    My ex used to tell me what I could and couldn't eat. Tell me that if I got to a certain weight, that he would leave me. I needed to keep my hair a certain way. He hated that I wanted to dress up sometimes. So to be told by someone who has genuine interest in me, someone who is holding me and my most fragile state tells me that he likes me exactly how I am, and broke the flood gate. My chest burst and it was so much emotion that I didn't know how to handle it. 

    He held me and told me that everything was going to be okay. I say this because I got a phone call from my ex today. If it was days ago when I wasn't at my best, I would have caved. Would have gone to talk to him in person. But I'm not and I didn't. 

    I explained to him I moved out for a reason and that was to better him and to better me. We need to move on from each other and create a better future for ourselves. Reflecting back, my ex and I had great moments, but we obviously had bad ones. He isn't the only one who was in the wrong. I wasn't perfect, I messed up too. I wasn't the greatest girlfriend for him. Just like he wasn't the greatest boyfriend for me. That's okay. He deserves the best, and I hope he gets it.

    I told him he had to let me go so we could both move on. I could tell he was hurt, frankly so was I . 4 years with someone in your life day in and day out just suddenly gone, those feelings of joy don't just go away. He was never one to show emotions, and I understood that to an extent. But that phone call today? I knew I hurt him. He may not be crying like I did when he broke up with me, but I'm sure he's feeling how I felt back then. That doesn't give me joy, that doesn't make me happy.

    I really hope for the best for him. I want him happy, I just knew it wasn't going to be me.

So yes, I'm a little sad because it's final. But this is the first step to be better. For both of us to be better.

Until next time,

Nicole Lynn

I moved back home

     Yeah you read that right. I'm in a basement, living with my parents.

    Not hobbit like, okay! It's cute.

    At first I was extremely hesitant on moving in. Mainly because I have a great relationship with my parents right now, and living with them in the past wasn't great. I also didn't want to come back and they immediately treat me like a child again.

    We had a very grown up discussion about my concerns, and what they expect of me and it definitely eased my worry. I moved out of the house that was toxic, and had probably the worst landlord I'll ever have.

    Did I tell you my landlord was my ex's dad? No?? Yeah well, and my upstairs neighbor? My ex.

    So to say I made the right move? Understatement of the year kids.

    I no longer have to worry about talking to my ex, sharing my apartment for the washer and dryer, having him constantly think we are more than we really are. Because that's what happened.

    His dad, the landlord, came over late one night and said he had to turn the water off, there's a leak in my apartment. Now I know I for sure didn't have a leak in my apartment. I would have heard water running. I would have noticed! I grew up knowing how to take care of the basics in the house, thanks pops, so the fact he said that got me mad.

    Mind you, this was late at night... landlords have to give you 24 hour notice, not 24 minutes!

     Anyway. Next day, after asking him every couple hours if it was fixed with no response I told him, listen I have plans and I won't be home but I expect it done today. I got a text at midnight people...MIDNIGHT that my water was back on and the neighbor, his son, was off. 

    So I came home from work that following day to my ex knocking on my door. Said his water was off and he needs to use the shower. He didn't even know his water was off. 

    The nice person I was, I said sure, until your water comes back on, we will work out a schedule. We agreed, or he said yes at first to agree. Whatever to get through the door I guess...

    My ex was under the impression that he could come into the house whenever he pleased. He lingered longer than he should have. He started to get complacent. Until I started to speak up for myself. 

    That's when I had to fight a 225 pound man out of my apartment. 

    Trust me, I don't like that statement anymore than you do. But that's life and boy oh boy did I almost give up. I'm husky but I'm fluffy and I do not have muscles to move a very intoxicated man who is a whole head taller than me. 

    He called me names, a bitch, a cunt, a waste of space. Yeah out of all of those, that last one got to me. So I told him, if I am all of that then why are you trying to get in my pants right now? Why are you pushing yourself into my apartment?

    To say the least. That was the final straw. I called my mom, like any other day, and asked if the offer was on the table for me to come back, and she said absolutely give us a month.

    I said, if I come over and help clean and move things, can we get myself moved in a week. I never told my mom or dad how bad it was living there at the end. Mainly because I didn't want them to worry, or worse go to jail for murder.

    You're laughing...I'm serious. 

    You don't mess with my momma and you sure as hell don't mess with daddy's little girl.

    So in a week, I would pack up my apartment, and I officially moved everything over to my parents. I didn't tell the landlord I was moving out until I had the last box in my hand. I gave my key to my ex and said, have a great life and I hope you get the happiness you deserve out of it. 

    He may have said some terrible things to me, but at no point in my mind do I wish ill of him. I do truly hope that he gets his happy ending.

                    I mean I think I found mine, but that's another blog ;)

    The landlord obviously wasn't happy that I left without notice, of course I don't blame him, but I didn't apologize like I would have months ago. Instead I told him that during winter I went without heat for many nights because you had refused to come over to fix it. I told him I had to share utilities with an upstairs neighbor because for two weeks you left that home without water. That is completely unethical and immoral. I told him that you wouldn't come around for months and then expect me to be home to give you cash for rent and when I expressed I had to go to my bank you got angry.

    Sorry but I'm not leaving thousands of dollars in my home that can get jimmy rigged too easily. Because yes, the lock was finicky and you can pop it open without the key so I slept with a pocket knife under my pillow and a bat next to my nightstand.

    So no sir, I am not sorry I didn't give you notice. I am not sorry that you no longer are able to get cash from a tenant who was one of two tenants who actually paid you even though you had at least 3 properties with multiple apartments in the home. 

    What I am sorry for is that I didn't do this sooner. That I didn't trust my gut and move when it was necessary. My stress has melted away when it comes to my home life. I can't wait to drive home and see my parents. I can't wait to get greeted at the door by Dino, my mom's springer spaniel, because he wants to play ball.

    I haven't felt this light in years and sure, my anti-depression dose is maxed out at 20mg, but with this new home life change, maybe it doesn't need to be so high anymore.

    I finally feel free to express myself again because my parents are accepting of me and let me do whatever it is I want. I get to eat whatever I want again, because I was always told no to certain foods. 

I finally put myself first.

Until next time,

Nicole Lynn

bookstagram

 did you know that it's called that Book instagram: Bookstagram.

    Anyway. I'm not too sure if I talked about my instagram account. It's a platform I used to review and show my thoughts on books I've been reading. I had it for a year and some months now and I've come so far from that first post!

    For beginners, I'm an ARC reader. 

Know what that is? 

        An Advanced Reader Copy Reader. 

Know how to become one?

        Didn't think so. Turns out it's like anything in life. If you show that you review and give honest feedback and you have a following, you can potentially do it!

For me, I read Blind Side by Kandi Steiner and I tagged her in my post. We had a back and forth conversation. She is so genuine. To me authors are movie stars okay, so the fact this author who sold countless copies was talking to little 'ol me?!?!?! Yeah you can imagine I was excited.

She was so patient and kind and answered my questions. She told me to look into a few places on instagram and look at how to get on the list.

I became so blessed from that conversation because I was able to become an ARC reader and my first book prior to release I reviewed was Bound by words by E.L Koslo. I never heard of her and boy oh boy was I surprised I even got picked. This story is a dark romance but oh so good people! look into it.

ANYWAY! 

A year from that original conversation with Kandi and I am on HER ARC TEAM. I'm not talking, going through a third party hoping to get picked to read a new release of hers. I'm talking about her actual team and no matter what I get her new release for a review! 

To me that is gold member status. The elite. But that's not the only ARC team I'm on. oh no..

I'm on another one of my favorite authors ARC teams. Kelsie Rae. Again, I talk to her in private conversations and she is so sweet and kind. 

*I just love Indie authors so so much.

I definitely do not do many ARC reads anymore, unless it's for them and I am completely content with that.

That's not why I brought up that I have this platform, as much as I wish it was. The reason I brought up my bookstagram is far more vapid.

I reached 1,000 followers!

Reaching 1k to me is like, really impressive. I am that much of a big deal for 1k people to follow me?! A girl who just reads and reviews books???! 

Listen I'll take it, I'm just shocked and humbled by it!

So that's kind of everything on this topic...

oh wait. duh!

Here's my bookstagram account if you'd like to check it out. 😉😉

https://www.instagram.com/bookworm_nerd_cole/

work dump-it's long-but worth it you nosy!

 So if we are going to do this, we're going to start at the beginning.

Buckle up kids and keep your hands and feet in the vehicle at all times, because it's a lot.

I have been with this company for 3 years now. I started as the front desk receptionist, who is now called front desk associate. I had a supervisor who, at the time, supported me and trained me to succeed in this company. Three months into my role, a position opened up internally and said boss told me to apply. I thought, I just started there is no way I can qualify. Turns out, I was already doing the job, so I applied, interviewed and got accepted. 

Three months into the company I became the new patient scheduler.

    This role was made for me. Literally. This position was so new, I created the position to what it is today. I thrived off organization and it was a HOT MESS EXPRESS. So I worked aggressively to fix it and make it thrive. It took time, but I did it. I was the only person, calling, scheduling and handling new patient charts. LOVED the job is a complete understatement. I got to connect with the patients and establish a relationship, all over my phone because it was just me.

        Then that supervisor wasn't as great at helping out, or supporting. Turns out, she loved to flip sides and one week she would like you, the next she talked about you. it wasn't a pleasant feeling. Especially when it came to me expressing that I wasn't mentally well and I knew I needed to get help...yeah remember that blog...ANYWAY!!!!

        This supervisor was promoted during that time and a coworker who was on the same front end as me, moved into the supervisor role. I had massive reservations, I knew she wasn't fit for the role, spoiler alert...I was right people. She took that title to her head and thought she was untouchable. She had the audacity to tell our boss, the one who originally was my supervisor, that I was lying about my depression and I was seeking attention. 

                    Two things about that, okay people...first one.. no. Just no. I would NEVER falsely accuse that I was going to unalive myself. EVER, and I really cannot stress that enough. Second...how did she find out? I told that to my ORIGINAL supervisor in fucking confidence. So you tell me, since we all know...how did she find out?

                                    -That's right! (insert Dora the Explorer voice) My supposed higher up who I trusted with something personal told her and who knows who else in that office. *trust me, if you're disgusted now, tighten that seat belt.

    So things happen, both of them are out of the company by now, and I am the supervisor. We already knew that people, don't clutch your pearls.

    I've been in this role now for 10 months. I have had 4 managers now. The one who originally hired me, you know, the "supportive" one, the one who said I was "attention seeking", the one I genuinely loved to work for, and now this current one.

                       This current one...Each day I get more and more upset that actions are not backing up the talk he tells me is happening. When he first started I saw a lot of potential. He said all the right things, had a great plan to turn the negative energy in the office around. But now 3 months in, and the culture has not changed, but has it gotten worse?! I need to know what the heck is happening. 

                                    The reason I bring all this up is because I have done a one on one with my staff, which oh by the way-they are my third round of new employees at this point in just the time I've been in this role... ANYWAY!!! My one staff member threw up some huge red flags that got me very concerned. Oh and in my one on one with my boss, I yelled at him. 

*hold tight to your hats, here comes the storm.

I was off for two days... technically 3 since the office was closed on Tuesday for the 4th. I came back that Thursday. So, yesterday. There was a meeting with the providers prior to this, a while ago, that if there were any issues that the front desk wasn't doing right to bring it to my attention. Since I was out, I expressed that anything management wise, you would need me, to reach out to my manager who is covering me. super standard for any practice, I thought anyway.

            In two days of me not in the office with everyone, it's like rules are thrown out the window and we just go back to belittling coworkers like they are children! That's not the worst of it. NO ONE ADDRESSING IT IS MY ISSUE! I said this in my meeting with my boss, told him I'm one person I am not important I can be easily replaced. How is it that I leave and everything goes to shit? 

                    **Side bar-I know I am important. I know how much the company relies on me. I know how lost that facility is without me, but I need people to realize I didn't choose this role.

            So my boss tells me, can you give me an example? MY PLEASURE. I pulled out my screenshot of the situation where a provider belittled my staff on a chat platform in front of the whole staff, because everyone is in that chat. I said to him, "We talked about talking to management and not putting it in the chat, so how is it that I'm gone that rule disappears?! Was she not aware that she goes to you when I am not in? And are we going to address that it wasn't addressed by a manager to not do that on that platform?"

            He said of course I talked to her. But I rebutted right back because I am a strong mamma duck to my ducklings and I will not tolerate a bear letting them get fed to the fucking wolves. anyway not the point stop ranting Nicole...I said. To me I don't see it was resolved because nothing was communicated in the chat that it was inappropriate. So how did you resolve this? I talked to her. When? Right when she did that. Okay fine, but why was it not acknowledged that it was inappropriate in front of everyone as well. 

            *I swear this man could be a politician because I honestly don't know what he did to get out of that answer.

            I then asked him if he talked to the front staff, because let's tell you about these girls. One has been here for 30 days, the other for 3 weeks. For being so new, they are doing incredible. I couldn't be more proud. But again, they are new, of course they are going to fuck up, WE'RE FUCKING HUMAN! And so When I asked if he checked in on them because clearly they know it was directed to them since they just did it. "Of course I checked in on them." And what was the conversation? They said they were fine.

Yeah, feel my eyes rolling yet?

I'll spoil that ending quick for you, both front staff members said he never addressed the conversation.

 That's just the tip, the start of the day people. I was so angry I was shaking, crying and yelling. People around his office heard me. I then said I hate that when I am off people are still sending me chats and asking me to do something. "I know you are off but..." MULTIPLE PEOPLE did that in a two day time span. Now let's go back. I told the whole office that I was out, that anything urgent should go to my manager, and the girls up front are able and capable of doing referrals and transfusions. So why are they asking me on my day off? Why does everyone else get the respect and consideration to be left alone when they get time off but Nicole can't? What makes me the exception? I am not in a salary management position, therefore I shouldn't be treated or set to the standard of one. 

        Instead of really listening, he wanted names. "NAMES DO NOT MATTER, WHAT MATTERS IS IT HAPPENED AND IT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED!" He said he'd talk about it in our staff meeting...that is in 10 days from now...so that's cool that it's not being addressed right away especially when I'm off again this Monday and Tuesday.

* I know you felt that eye roll.

        My team member in her one on one expressed that she was uncomfortable talking to the manager, said he's very confusing and doesn't give a straight answer, but also uncomfortable in a physical/mental space. I won't go into major details because even though I am not disclosing names, people who know me in a setting can do the process of elimination easily. This team member told me that he had gone around to other employees in a joking manner and said "She beat me up and that's why my eye is swollen." 

First of all.....WHAT?! Words cannot express how much I was disgusted and I can honestly say I almost threw up after that meeting because of how many red flags came up. Like, you're not just a boss, you are THE boss and you're going around saying an employee hit you? That SCREAMS HR. Joking or not, not okay. Second of all....you don't know what the hell people have gone through, or going through in life. You do not know their past, present or what would happen in the future. Words and sayings like that can be triggering. 

I'm leaving you at that because that's all that's been done. I called my bosses boss and told her my big concerns and HR is coming next week to talk. 

I really do love my job....just maybe not the people I work under? There's a few places opening...maybe I need to think if doing a transfer is in my future.

......Told you it was a lot

Until next time,

Nicole Lynn

too much has happened

 I really do have to get better at documenting my life here people!

Last update was in May...It's July and SO. MUCH. HAS. HAPPENED!!!

I would love to just drop it all in here but when I say a lot has happened, I mean it. So I'm just writing this to say...next couple entries are dumps of certain categories...

work-because we NEED to talk about it...

my book instagram...it's silly but I'm too excited to just NOT talk about it.

my relationship...remember that first date?! welpppppppp trust me, you're in for a treat in that entry.

and finally my living situation...

Trust me, if you are nosey or just curious about my life-I HIGHLY suggest you tune into the next few uploads.

Until Next time,

Nicole Lynn

I went on a date...

     I went on a date that wasn't my ex.

    I think I should rephrase that. I went on a first date with someone last night since 3 years. Let me tell you about it.

    Before I get to last night, let me tell you what led to it, because I'm putting it out in the universe... I feel some type of way about this one.

    So remember the Friday night bowling league I was subbing on? Yup. I met him there! But I'm getting ahead of myself. He was on the team of the guy who introduced me to the league. I always caught him in the corner of my eye, but I was afraid to say anything. I would just say hi and scamper off. He never pursued anything more, so I figured 'okay he isn't interested.' And that's okay!

    But he was the first guy, out of my three year relationship, that I actually stopped in my tracks with. The first guy since I was broken up with that made me want to try again. All because of a look people! Insert a face palm moment, because I know how it sounds.

    So let's take you to the day that changed. April 28th. We were bowling and the guy who added me to the league, Don, his birthday was that Monday so he told me I had to stay out for drinks. I finished bowling way earlier than Don, so I packed up my things and watched him and his team. I did my normal hi, how are you, how are you bowling type spiel. 

    Guys, I can't tell you, even to this day what changed, but it was like a floodgate opened and this man started talking to me! He engaged in full conversations and my heart started fluttering. I felt like I had a middle school crush and I'm 28 freaking years old.

    Now, if I gave you a list of things I look for in a guy. It's not him. I've always thought I was attracted to someone with dark hair, blue eyes, tall, tan and muscular. oh and I immediately refused to think of anyone romantically who had my brothers or dad's name. Being where I am now in life, I realize that looks help, but they definitely aren't everything. When I looked only off of those things, I let too many other important things slide. Like respect.

    So. This guy. He's only a few inches taller than me. I'm 5 foot 1, he's not tall but he's taller than me. He has dark hair, but he also has brown eyes. He has a beard, that I never thought I would like, but it's trimmed and neat. He has the same name as my dad. He's quiet and reserved, but he is a really nice person to talk to. 

    And that's what we did that night, talked. About silly little things, nothing important, but I left that bowling alley smiling. My cheeks hurt so much, I couldn't remember the last time I felt like that. That night when I got home, I saw I had a friend request.

    It was the simplest little message from him, "it was really good talking to you tonight." From there we haven't stopped communicating. He is genuine and funny. I was itching to answer my phone with every buzz. So I took the plunge and told him I found him attractive. Because I did. His personality and his looks to match really made me gravitate to him. 

    So, this weekend. We saw each other on Friday at a bowling tournament and I kept walking over to talk to him. Every time I saw him smile, it made me smile more. I couldn't help it. Saturday we went out to eat and then a movie. A totally standard first date. It was also the first time Andy and I would be alone together. 

    We met at Red robin over in Williamsville. We laughed and spoke for 2 hours in the restaurant. I paid. I wanted to, I knew he did, but I really just wanted to pay for our meal. But we didn't want to leave each other's presence yet. So we looked up what was playing and picked a movie for the 9:30pm slot. When we left the building this man held the door for me, moved me to the inside of the sidewalk so he was walking closest to the street, then walked me to my freaking car door and opened it for me. Guys, my jaw dropped to the floor and he even asked me what was wrong. I was too embarrassed to say anything so I shook my head and we drove separately down the street to the theater. I never had that type of treatment and it was a wonderful feeling to feel cherished that way.

    We went and saw Super Mario Bros. Movie. We held hands, spoke a little bit, and he kissed the top of my hand. Then maybe ten minutes into the movie, Andy moved the arm rest and like a tether, I just went right to him. I couldn't help but snuggle up next to him. My heart was pumping a million miles a minute, and I felt him look at me every couple minutes. When I would look up at him, I couldn't help but just smile.

Then he kissed me. 

    A soft, quick kiss, that made me melt. I can honestly say I haven't had this feeling in a very long time. Andy was the most perfect gentleman the rest of the night. Sure we shared a few more kisses and held hands, but at the end of the night, it was just perfect.

    I say this all because still, while writing about him, I feel like I'm making him up. I feel like I just described the men I read in my books. I never knew that guys could be that genuine, that pure and wholesome in my generation. 

    I know I say this type of stuff all the time when I start to talk to someone, but there is something about him that makes me get the flutters and that makes me smile. Who knows what's next in our journey. Maybe nothing, but hopefully something. And if there is something, I'll be forever grateful and cherish him because he treated me like a queen and I never realized that I could feel that valued.

Until next time,

Nicole Lynn

new stage in life

 new beginnings

This year I have been setting goals for myself in a way that I never thought possible. I never thought I would be telling myself to start a 401k. Like seriously, back in the day I thought I was too young to start that.

Now at 28 I wish I started sooner. I never thought of a future for me. I just lived in the moment, took the struggle bus and held on tight for another bump in the road. Because that's what happened. I never prepared and when I was strapped for cash, and I mean making that $10 in my bank account last a week until pay day, I always just knew that it would work out. Even now, when I financially struggle a little bit, I know that I'll be okay, I'll make it work, because I did it in the past with less than what I'm struggling with now.

That's the thing about me most people don't know. Mainly because I don't advertise my net worth, but because I never wanted pity, or sympathy from others. So I struggled, watched my bank account go into the negatives at times and cried in my apartment alone. I remember I was so overwhelmed with everything, living on my own paying everything and then not budgeting correctly for groceries. I survived on ramen noodles, and peanut butter sandwiches for two weeks.

But still to this day, no matter if I have $10 or $100 dollars, if someone came up to me and told me they were struggling, I figured out how to help them. Because I know that feeling. The absolute courage you even had to ask for help is amazing. So If I was struggling with $20 that week and you needed help, well now I was dealing with $10. That's just who I am.

I don't say that for brownie points or a pat on the back, I say that because never in my years of struggle did I think I'd be taking the next steps to qualify for a home.

A home people. With a mortgage and everything, under the name of me, myself, and I.

Now again, I always say this always when I get good news in my life, I'm not hopeful for much, but even a little is something. I know I won't have my dream home of a wrap around porch and land and a room dedicated just for my books. I know that I'm going to have to compromise a lot, envision a lot, and overall just stay positive when I see my results. I know that more than likely the walls are going to have a dreadful color and the flooring will probably have to get redone. I know that there's going to be projects in the home that I end up in.

But let's look at all the positives to that!

I get to paint the walls whatever color I want, change the flooring to whatever I want and do as many little projects to make it MY home. Not an apartment, not someone's home I help out with fixing up for them. Mine. My. Home.

I no longer will have an upstairs neighbor, or a neighbor that does his daily naked routine in front of his window every morning. Actually, who knows about the neighbor, but that's what curtains are for!       

I would get to have a driveway again. I'd get to enjoy a backyard all to myself again. The possibilities are endless and I can't believe I am doing this! On my own. ON MY OWN!!!

I'm not 'moving into a starter home' with a significant other, I'm making this move on my terms, and I am so proud of myself. Now again, it's in the early stages. I JUST got off the phone with a realtor and we have to talk about financial. But it's happening!         

I just wanted to hop on here to let you know that, even if you see your friends or people your age doing things you THINK you should already be doing, be patient. It may not be your time right now, but it will come for you and when it does, it's going to click in place. The puzzle piece is going to fit and you're going to feel this sense of amazing fulfillment.

I mean look at me! My successes recently only happened in the last year. I got a new car for myself, I got a promotion at work, I'm more dedicated to finishing my book, started a savings account, started a 401k and now looking into getting a home. That took falling at a low point in my life after my break up.

I was at the bottom of the well with no way out until one day, I found a stone and started to pick myself up and out of that hole.         

So needless to say as I wrap this up I'm excited, but I'm trying to stay humble about it too. I don't want to put any bad juju out in the world. So help me keep the positive vibes and hope that I get something amazing!

Until next time,

Nicole Lynn